Recently I was listening to the Alicia Keys song “A Woman’s Worth” and I was motivated by the part that says “and a real man just can’t deny…a woman’s worth!” Notice that Alicia said, “real man,” so ladies please understand that what I am about to write is from the perspective of a “real man,” and not just a MALE. Ok now come follow me….
I have grown to know and understand that although men are the foundation, women are the bricks that hold the structure together. The fact of the matter is that men need women just as much, if not more than women need men. The value of a good woman is priceless and any real man knows and understands that. The reason I get a little upset and disappointed sometimes though is that it seems sometimes that many women have no clue what their worth is!!! Sometimes women are so consumed about how to get a man, and making all of these crazy rules, and trying to figure out the perfect formula that they don’t realize that if they just started with knowing their own worth then the rest would follow!
1) Sex vs. Substance
I constantly hear women complain about it being no “good guys out there” or about how guys are so full of games…but on the flip side I hear many men who are ready and willing to pursue something real and to commit to a woman, but they want nothing more than substance beyond the physical…. yes ladies NEWS FLASH…as shallow as you’ all think we are, real men want SUBSTANCE BEYOND THE PHYSICAL. It seems that so much of the emphasis in the man and woman dynamic has been put on the PHYSICAL (sex) that we have forgotten about the “substance.” The bottom line is that the physical will get you a date, but it’s the substance that will get you a commitment. Sex has become such a bargaining tool, but what I’ am begging the ladies to understand is that sex will not keep a guy around. You must also understand that if a guy is into you “beyond the physical” then not having sex with him will NOT drive him away. Put more effort up front into understanding if a guy is really into you more so than trying to figure out when you should or shouldn’t sleep with him.
2) Intentions vs. Expectations
The other part of what I am saying is stop being afraid to let a guy know what you are looking for up front because you are fearful of driving him away. You must trust that if he isn’t ready to give you what you want he will let you know if not by his words he will by his actions. In fact the conversation he has with his boy will sound like this…
“Man she is a good girl, but I’m just not ready for a relationship and she is going to take too much work!”
Yeah I know it doesn’t sound like the most flattering conversation but nevertheless it is conversation about a woman that knew her worth! In fact this is usually the girl that that same guy thinks about a few years later and realizes that he missed out on a good one.
What you can’t continue to do is this…meet a guy…not tell him your expectations up front…become intimate with him…. then turn around and try to make his expectations line up with yours! This is a recipe for failure and frustration. Understand this… if a man is at a point in his life where he is looking for something serious out of a quality women then he will put in the work that is needed to get her because the work will be WORTH the reward!! Suddenly the conversation with his boy will sound like this…
” I’ve been dating this girl, she is 28 years old, a teacher, she is really cute, and I just like kicking it with her…we haven’t even had sex yet, but it’s cool…it’s just something about her!” Ladies if you don’t believe me then ask one of your guy friends and get back at me!!!
Remember the focus of this blog is A WOMANS WORTH…and I am here to tell you ladies that real men understand your worth and they don’t deny it. We understand that without our mothers we wouldn’t have gotten to where we are, and without a good woman by our side we will never truly get to where we could be! You are more than the mothers of our children; you are supporters of our dreams, the ones who see in us what we don’t see in ourselves, and the ones who heal all the wounds after we fight with the world everyday. There is a reason why when we have done something wrong and you are threatening to leave us one of the first things we say is “don’t leave baby, I NEED you!” Yeah any real man who was about to lose a good woman has spoken those words. It’s a reason why at our most vulnerable moments we tell you we NEED you and very simply it’s because it is TRUE!
3) Staying vs. Going
Knowing your worth is not about just knowing when to move forward, but it’s also about knowing when to let go. Yeah I know it sounds so much easier than it really is, but when you know your worth then it gets a little easier. Look I get it…when women love they love really hard, but loving hard is no excuse for allowing yourself to be loved the wrong way. See ladies those “real men” that I’ve been referring to understand that you deserve to be loved the right way. Now by no means does that mean that real men don’t make mistakes because we do…but we don’t make multiple mistakes that reflect not knowing your worth. Real men understand that you are WORTH being dated, WORTH being put first, WORTH being respected, WORTH being protected, WORTH being provided for, WORTH being committed to. When it’s all said and done if the guy you are pursuing, dating, or in a relationship with does not fill like it’s worth doing these things for you then it doesn’t mean that he is wrong or a bad person, it just means that maybe he is just not good for you. If you are not being treated the way you deserve to be treated then do you and me a favor and let it go!
Ladies if you don’t get anything else out of this blog I would ask you to remember this…no one determines your worth more than you do. Women you are powerful beyond measure and you are probably the strongest species on this earth. You are the most beautiful creatures God ever created and without you we would simply be lost. More times than not you are everything to everybody and I want you to know that if no one else appreciates you I do. With all of the things you already do I am just asking you to add one more thing to your to do list and………….KNOW YOUR WORTH!!