26 September 2013

Comments:

14
 September 26, 2013
 14

It seems like cheating and affairs are at an all time high; Hollywood scandal is full of how unfaithful this or that person is and their saga plays out in the media for us all to see and judge. The philanderer is dragged through the mud; but I think it’s time we step back for a second and look at the entire picture. People aren’t having affairs by themselves and it usually comes down to the issue of respect! Let’s talk about a few scenarios…follow me.  People don’t cheat alone so here are a few kinds of folks they may end up “doing-the-do” with:

1) Mr. or Mrs. “they’re separated.”

Last I checked separated still meant married.  As a coach, so many times I see people get involved with someone who is married just because they wanted so badly to believe that being separated means it’s okay to get involved with that person. These are the same people who end up hurt because “separated” doesn’t turn into divorce and he or she ends up right back with their husband or wife. Suddenly the person you thought you had built something with turns into a lying cheater (ironic right?).

Moral: Don’t put yourself in a situation that has so little clarity. Separated is still married and only divorced means divorced! 

2) Mr. or Mrs. “Their mate must not be doing something right at home.”

This is the person who believes the hype and justifies having the affair by thinking he or she are the savior. The truth is that there is always more to the story. You see, you don’t have to deal with the person’s flaws. You see the best of that person without ever experiencing the worst of them and you think that because you are “filling the void” then they are going to leave their spouse for you. Let’s just say “I wouldn’t hold my breath.” Instead of trying to fill voids, just respect the fact that they are married and that’s not your job.

Moral: Rarely will people leave their husband or wife for you.  But if they do, be prepared to see another side of them that you might not like as much.

 

3) Mr. or Mrs. “I didn’t know they were married.”

Okay, I understand that maybe the person may not have been truthful about his or her status, but let’s get real. We live in the information age where you can find out what you REALLY want to know. Between Google, Facebook, and girlfriends that can moonlight as private investigators there aren’t many secrets that can remain secrets for long: ESPECIALLY if the secret is “I’m married”. The truth is that you never did the research or noticed the red flags or asked the question because you didn’t want to; it’s easier for you (and your ego) to play victim in the end. Secondly, when many do find out their new mate is married, too many won’t and don’t stop the affair. Instead of cutting it off, you blame it on love or hope.

Moral: If you really wanted to know you could have found out.

Please don’t think that I’m taking it easier on the people who cheat on their mate by calling out the people they may cheat with….. because that isn’t my goal or my point.  I mentioned in the start of this article about respect, those 7 letters that Aretha sang about.  If we had more respect for relationships and marriages in general, even if they are not our own, it would be much harder for people to step out on those relationships because as I said earlier…people can’t cheat alone.   Affairs don’t “just happen:” they take a conscious decision of two willing participants to start and continue them.  The truth is that if we all placed more value on the institution of marriage then we would all be more accountable for what we do while in them, more relationships would be saved and fewer families would be broken.

Xklusive Thoughts Fam: Do you think we respect other peoples relationships as we should? Why or why not?

 

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14 responses on “3 Types of People Who Will Disrespect Your Relationship

  1. Joelle says:

    Yes Lord!! Preachhhhhhhhh

  2. Nic says:

    As a married woman and mother I’ve learned that no one gives a damn about your marriage, so it’s up to you and your mate. Marriage means nothing now-a-days. I’ve heard someone refer to it as “just a piece of paper” See back in the day our elders took marriage serious; because it is a serious thing. That’s why folk stayed together for 50/60+yrs.
    I pearsonally know every kind of cheater/accomplice you named. It’s just a sad and disrespectful world we live in. No boundaries that’s the problem.

    • Troy Spry says:

      Nic you are right for some reasons basic morals and values are being lost in society which means we must hold ourselves to a higher standard. Thanks for reading and please share!

  3. LCE says:

    I was the second person you mentioned! I truly believed we would end up together and he would leave her for me. He did leave her, just not for me for the other person he was seeing …. yeah their was two of us. I felt bad for what I did and because of this situation I dont know if I believe on marriage. I guess only time will tell…

    • Troy Spry says:

      LCE I hope you learned a valuable lesson from your experience, but I wouldn’t hold marriage responsible you must hold the person IN the marriage responsible. This is why choosing wisely is so important.

  4. well... says:

    Oddly I was neither one of those in my situation. It was just sex and a therapy session for him. I didn’t want him to leave his wife. I would give him advice on new things to try with her. We would just do it together first then he would go home and try with her. Yes it was wrong but you can’t put all ” side pieces” in the same category.

    • Troy Spry aka @xklusive5 says:

      Thanks for reading. Although I see your point I have to challenge you in this. Notice I’m not judging just challenging you. Part of the reason I wrote the blog was because we have to get back to a place of morals and values an doing the right thing just because its the RIGHT thing. Does you only being a sex and therapy session for him make it right? Would it be okay if someone was that to your husband or your man? If it was really just about sex then why not have sex with someone who is single and give them therapy. My point is although he was wrong for disrespecting his wife and the accountability is on him, shouldn’t some of that accountability be in you? Don’t you deserve better and to be able to have that’s ex with someone who is yours and only yours? Just some good for thought. Thanks for reading and lets discuss.

      • well... says:

        Oh, I had no morals then. At that time I made it seem right in my mind. I had just got out of a relationship and wanted to be with someone I couldn’t get in a relationship with. Safe but selfish. I was dead wrong but I was the one to break it off. I started to think about how she would feel if she knew and if I was her. I didn’t want my own man then, didn’t want a taken one either..i just wanted to get my mind off of my ex and meet new people. Just went further than I expected..

  5. Tanya says:

    I experienced scenario#3…. my spouse was “Inboxing” via Facebook that lead to texting a woman…. after confronting her that he was my husband…. she had the disrespect to tell me “so, I don’t care he is your husband and I’m going to keep talking to him….” wedding rings, vows, pictures do not stop disrespectful people from trying to” move in” on what you have…. married people need to be cautious of social media outlets…. to me it’s just a married person looking for trouble….

  6. […] is part of one of the many responses I received to an article I wrote last week entitled  “3 Types of People Who Will Disrespect Your Marriage.”  There were a plethora of different responses to this article, but there was one reoccurring […]

  7. Tatia Dee says:

    Great Article! I’m feeling it’s a matter of SELF-RESPECT more so than respecting someone’s wife or husband.
    If the married person is busy acting not married, then realize that s/he is being disrespectful.
    Choose not to join in on the drama.
    Without Judging him/her, Just Respect Yourself.
    Surround yourself with better and positive influences.
    Don’t be drawn in by their confusion.
    Don’t listen to their “tales of woe.”
    Turn a deaf ear, have compassion (pity) for them, and keep on stepping!
    Wonderful Message. Thanks for sharing this fabulous post!

    • Paula says:

       

      I'm glad to see this article. It is true that social media has ruined many of marriages. Years ago, we didn't have that nonsense. My deceased husband was staying in contact with his exes and all this mess started on facebook. He had severe health problems. Two weeks after we were married, he ended up in the hospital near death. I couldn't figure out for the life of me what brought this on. This happened at least three more times. Each time this happened I found out he had practically given his baby's mama his car that he was no longer driving. He lied to me each time about this car incident.He acted like a pure idiot that year and his behavior didn't stop until he was diagnosed with an incurable illness that eventually caused his death. One time he had a heart attack which is a symptom of an older man who may be having some sort of crisis if he wasn't diagnosed with heart problems before. I'm widowed now. You should have seen these two bimbos he was messing with. One was a drunk, and the other one was a reformed crack head whore.

       

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