1 January 2015

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 January 1, 2015
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Women often come to me wondering “why wasn’t I good enough.” And “why did he choose her, and not me?”

Funny thing is this question usually comes after she has been engaging in a “friends with benefits situation” or “no strings attached” type of relationship. I find it funny how so many people can willingly participate in this exchange and then come out of them so scarred.

Well, the reason this keeps happening is because often times we engage in these agreements under false pretenses. She goes into it saying all that she wants is something casual, yet when it doesn’t graduate into anything serious she ends up hurt, angry and bitter.

Here are a few reasons he didn’t choose you:

1. He Didn’t Have To Invest Anything

We always hear that people value things more that they had to earn and the same thing holds true in dating and relationships. For some reason we started requiring less from people and then expecting more.

If a man doesn’t have to invest any time, energy, resources, or emotion into you the odds of him valuing you enough to be his wife, or even girlfriend, are slim to none. Instead of him having to invest anything into you for you to reciprocate, you gave yourself away.

You disguised it as you being “horny”, but in reality the only thing you were horny for was the IDEA that he really wants to spend time with you. The idea sounds great until after the sex is over and he finds a reason to have to get up and go. Hurts doesn’t it?

2. You Tried to Change the Rules

You got into this “situation” claiming to be okay with just having sex. You claimed you wouldn’t catch feelings and could handle “no strings attached,” yet suddenly you’re starting to want to cuddle more, you want to kiss more, you want more of his time, and now you want him to take you out in public and show you off.

Well the problem is that he never had any plans of doing any of those things but you convinced yourself that if you sexed him good enough that he would. WRONG! You weren’t honest about what you truly wanted, yet he was. He didn’t lie, he never planned on choosing you, you convinced yourself that he would. Hurts doesn’t it?

3. He Liked Her Beyond the Sex

Choose You? Sad Woman Left AloneLadies as shallow as you think men are I’ve told you once and I’ll tell you again that you have to have substance beyond sex. Most men of substance don’t choose wives based on how great sex is with her. Men who want to build families look for women who can help them accomplish that. I don’t care how great your selfies look, how great your sex game is or how many degrees you have, nothing can ever replace the nurturing spirit, supportive nature, and the feminine allure of a woman.

Have you ever noticed that many men don’t tend to only marry the best looking women, yet the ones they can see themselves building a family and life with. It’s the reason why you will sometimes look at what you call a “fine man” with what you might call an “average woman.” I bet that “average woman” had some substance, while you were throwing it back and posting half naked pictures on Instagram. One day he decided he needed more than looks alone. Hurts doesn’t it?

4. He Wasn’t Ready Yet

Ladies unfortunately sometimes you are a great woman with substance but sometimes he is too immature to realize that. Sometimes the season he is in isn’t a mature enough season for him to understand what he has right in front of him.

You can’t understand why he just won’t “act right” but he is so selfish at that point in his life that he ends losing out on a good girl. He usually comes back years later and apologizes for how he treated you and trying to get a second chance. Ladies, sometimes him not “choosing you” has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. Unfortunately sometimes he had to lose in order to win. Still hurts though, doesn’t it?

I know this article may rub some people the wrong way, and maybe even make some folks get defensive but at the core of it is pure honesty. We must begin to be honest with ourselves about what we want and the situations we put ourselves in. The longer we blame the more we will continue to get hurt.

 

 

 

 

 

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