"WE CAN'T WE BE FRIENDS!" 3 Reasons Why Being Friends With Your Ex Isn't A Good Idea!

20 November 2011


 November 20, 2011
Category: Letting Go

I know what some of you are thinking, you’re thinking “there is nothing wrong with being friends with your ex,” or your thinking “well they should be cool with it because the ex was there before them,” or finally you’re thinking “I know plenty of people who are good friends with their ex!”  Well before you get an attitude with me I want you to think about this first. I am sure all of us are old enough to have had an ex before so do me a favor and think about how long it really and truly took you to be OVER that ex. Now think about how many times you and that ex were broken up, but y’all played that in and out, love/hate, emotional roller-coaster game. Now think about all the times y’all said it was over but y’all were still having sex!  Okay now finally do me a favor and help me to understand why you think that the new person you are pursuing should be cool with you being “friends” with that same person?

1) PROXIMITY will cause issues!

The bottom line is that when a person is an EX and you were truly in love with them, no matter how y’all broke up there are still a bunch of reasons that you were in love with them, and what you must understand is that sheer proximity sometimes will not let those feelings go away.  So what this means is that y’all texting, calling, skyping, communicating, and hanging out and all that stuff is nothing but a breeding ground for those feelings to resurface and cause confusion.  I don’t care who you are and no matter how rational you are if you have ever been in love you know that just saying we are broken up vs. actually being broken up is a process.  It’s a process that is never successful as long as the two people are trying to be “friends” and do things the same way just without the title. Please remember that committing and breaking up are both ACTIONS so just because you use the words doesn’t mean you are necessarily practicing them!

2) You will turn off  potential new mates!

When you are trying to pursue a new relationship, but you make your EX a priority the only thing you do is send signs to the new person that they aren’t a priority.  When you are always justifying and defending why you and your ex still talk so much, or you act as if it’s not that big of a deal you immediately begin to lose “trust points” with the new person.  OH don’t act like you have never been dating a girl or dude who is always communicating with their ex, but when you ask why they say “trust me it’s not that big a deal!” What you don’t know is the other person is thinking NO…I don’t trust you, and furthermore if it’s not that big a deal then why does it seem like such a priority!! I mean seriously how many times do people have to lose out on someone who is good for them because they spend so much time trying to be “cool” with someone who has PROVEN not to be good them!!

3) You may set yourself up to be hurt again!

The other thing that people seem to not remember is that people/your ex will almost always tell you everything you want to hear and all of sudden want to “change” when they feel that they are about to lose you for real.  Most of the time “for real” is when you are becoming interested in someone new.  If you think I’m lying….think about that friend that you know who keeps sabotaging any new relationships because she runs back to her ex because he or she all of sudden wants to “work things out!”  Look people I’m not saying that people don’t change or can’t change, but I am saying stop ruining your chances at true happiness because you keep focusing on the WORDS of your ex and not the ACTIONS of your ex.  The person is your EX for a reason so woman/man up and realize that you won’t ever truly know why their your ex and get over them until you get out of your feelings and stop trying to be cool with them.  Just because you separate yourself doesn’t mean you’re turning your back on them or you don’t care about them, it just means you care enough about you to do what needs to be done in order to move on!!

NEWS FLASH PEOPLE: Nobody wants to feel like they have to compete with your ex, hell if they really like you they already jealous that somebody got you before them! LOL

My point is stop thinking you can be friends with you ex and even more importantly stop expecting the new person you are dating to be cool with it!  Although I know many people won’t agree with what I am trying to get across I honestly believe that the people that will be the most resistant to this concept are the people who are still looking for reasons to be friends with their ex and they haven’t gotten to the point where they are really ready to close that chapter in their life.  If you aren’t ready to close that chapter all the way do two things, stop calling the person your ex, and stop being selfish and dragging other people into your world of emotional roller coasters! It’s okay if you aren’t over your ex, but it’s not okay to have someone pursuing you when you know you really aren’t ready to let go!

I hope that this blog can serve as an inspiration for those people who miss out on happiness because they keep revisiting bitterness!  Sometimes you have to make room for your blessings and many times that’s not possible when you are holding on to what was, instead of focusing on what could be!

Xklusive Thoughts Fam: Get involved in the conversation: Do you believe it is a good idea to try and be friends with your ex?



9 responses on ““WE CAN’T WE BE FRIENDS!” 3 Reasons Why Being Friends With Your Ex Isn’t A Good Idea!

  1. Beki Gray says:

    ALRIGHT..ALRIGHT..AALLLRRIIIGGHT!!! They gon learn today..lol FORREAL though..this is spoken TRUTH right here!!

    • E says:

      Great conversation and very truthful points, but for some it’s very hard to completely put someone out of your life when you have been friends for such a long time. Keep up the good work.

  2. Wanna P. says:

    I agree with some of the points you’ve made and I once believed the same theory that you and your ex can not be just friends however as I grew and experienced the situation for my self my thoughts changed and here’s why in any relationship between lovers your foundation is friendship and in a friendship you become trusting..brutally honest.. comfortable..you reveal your true self which causes your friend to either fall deeply in love with you or back away slowly… And usually if a relationship forms that person truly loves you for who and what you are and somewhere along the line the communication stops and or someone or something throws a wrench in it and you lose sight of the foundation *takes breathe* lol and I say all of that to say ur ex is ur best friend they know you better than the person your now getting to know so you are more comfortable talking to them about certain things the newer person may not understand yet… And how can I start something new with someone who doesn’t trust me? My ex is my ex for a reason however they will always be my friend and just because my ex is no longer my main I didn’t cut off ties witg his family or friends because our relationship was built on us not him… The person I now choose to be with has to accept that I am with them because I want to be not because I have to and I need them to trust me enough and allow time for me to get comfortable with them where our friendship can be just as strong or stronger as with my ex… Because you take the lessons from your past and apply them to your present or future in a good way!..Now this is not to say that my ex or I should be contacting each other all day everyday or that I should share more with my ex than I do my current it should definitely be a happy medium…but I sincerely believe that you and your ex can be just friends!

    • Mischa27 says:

      I don’t think it’s fair to the new person that you keep running back to your ex for “conversation”. Allow them the opportunity to be that person. You only prolong really getting to know that person when running back to an ex “to talk”. From experience, it leaves the new person feeling left out and wondering if you’re really giving the relationship a real chance. You’re making it harder on yourself to truly get over that person.

  3. Great points indeed. A friendship can come but there has to be a lot of healing and space and boundaries between when you relationship ends and when a friendship can begin. And overall, it’s not fair for the new person in your life.

  4. Antoinette says:

    This is honest trut. In my situation, knowing that the relationship was fading, I’d break up,then a few months later, we’d start back talking and be “just friends”, but eventually end up back together as a couple. Being involved with each other several years made it hard to move on. At one point when we were broken up, I dated a gentleman and there was potential. But, because I wasn’t over my ex at that time, there was no chance. In fact, I ended up back with the ex again! Was a viscous cycle. Lesson for me was to understand when something has gone past its expiration date, let go and don’t ever go back! And don’t start dating again until you’re truly ready. If I had taken the time to get over my ex like a should’ve instead of keeping him around, I probably would have been ready to move forward with a man like the one I tried to date. But, I kept him at arms length because of the ex.

    • Troy Spry says:

      Antoinette thanks for reading and commenting! I am glad you came to your realization about the vicious cycle of your ex. Sometimes we just have to live and learn the hard way! Thanks again for reading!

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