I know what some of you are thinking, you’re thinking “there is nothing wrong with being friends with your ex,” or your thinking “well they should be cool with it because the ex was there before them,” or finally you’re thinking “I know plenty of people who are good friends with their ex!” Well before you get an attitude with me I want you to think about this first. I am sure all of us are old enough to have had an ex before so do me a favor and think about how long it really and truly took you to be OVER that ex. Now think about how many times you and that ex were broken up, but y’all played that in and out, love/hate, emotional roller-coaster game. Now think about all the times y’all said it was over but y’all were still having sex! Okay now finally do me a favor and help me to understand why you think that the new person you are pursuing should be cool with you being “friends” with that same person?
1) PROXIMITY will cause issues!
The bottom line is that when a person is an EX and you were truly in love with them, no matter how y’all broke up there are still a bunch of reasons that you were in love with them, and what you must understand is that sheer proximity sometimes will not let those feelings go away. So what this means is that y’all texting, calling, skyping, communicating, and hanging out and all that stuff is nothing but a breeding ground for those feelings to resurface and cause confusion. I don’t care who you are and no matter how rational you are if you have ever been in love you know that just saying we are broken up vs. actually being broken up is a process. It’s a process that is never successful as long as the two people are trying to be “friends” and do things the same way just without the title. Please remember that committing and breaking up are both ACTIONS so just because you use the words doesn’t mean you are necessarily practicing them!
2) You will turn off potential new mates!
When you are trying to pursue a new relationship, but you make your EX a priority the only thing you do is send signs to the new person that they aren’t a priority. When you are always justifying and defending why you and your ex still talk so much, or you act as if it’s not that big of a deal you immediately begin to lose “trust points” with the new person. OH don’t act like you have never been dating a girl or dude who is always communicating with their ex, but when you ask why they say “trust me it’s not that big a deal!” What you don’t know is the other person is thinking NO…I don’t trust you, and furthermore if it’s not that big a deal then why does it seem like such a priority!! I mean seriously how many times do people have to lose out on someone who is good for them because they spend so much time trying to be “cool” with someone who has PROVEN not to be good them!!
3) You may set yourself up to be hurt again!
The other thing that people seem to not remember is that people/your ex will almost always tell you everything you want to hear and all of sudden want to “change” when they feel that they are about to lose you for real. Most of the time “for real” is when you are becoming interested in someone new. If you think I’m lying….think about that friend that you know who keeps sabotaging any new relationships because she runs back to her ex because he or she all of sudden wants to “work things out!” Look people I’m not saying that people don’t change or can’t change, but I am saying stop ruining your chances at true happiness because you keep focusing on the WORDS of your ex and not the ACTIONS of your ex. The person is your EX for a reason so woman/man up and realize that you won’t ever truly know why their your ex and get over them until you get out of your feelings and stop trying to be cool with them. Just because you separate yourself doesn’t mean you’re turning your back on them or you don’t care about them, it just means you care enough about you to do what needs to be done in order to move on!!
NEWS FLASH PEOPLE: Nobody wants to feel like they have to compete with your ex, hell if they really like you they already jealous that somebody got you before them! LOL
My point is stop thinking you can be friends with you ex and even more importantly stop expecting the new person you are dating to be cool with it! Although I know many people won’t agree with what I am trying to get across I honestly believe that the people that will be the most resistant to this concept are the people who are still looking for reasons to be friends with their ex and they haven’t gotten to the point where they are really ready to close that chapter in their life. If you aren’t ready to close that chapter all the way do two things, stop calling the person your ex, and stop being selfish and dragging other people into your world of emotional roller coasters! It’s okay if you aren’t over your ex, but it’s not okay to have someone pursuing you when you know you really aren’t ready to let go!
I hope that this blog can serve as an inspiration for those people who miss out on happiness because they keep revisiting bitterness! Sometimes you have to make room for your blessings and many times that’s not possible when you are holding on to what was, instead of focusing on what could be!
Xklusive Thoughts Fam: Get involved in the conversation: Do you believe it is a good idea to try and be friends with your ex?