When “Fireworks” Aren’t Enough….Chemistry vs. Compatibility!

30 May 2013


 May 30, 2013

“Searching for that feeling tell me where is the magic.; let’s stay together until we’re ghost; I want to witness love , I’ve never seen it close…but I guess I got to find it first that’s why I’m really going off….Fireworks!” 

These lyrics (from Drake’s song Fireworks) caught my ear while listening to my I-pod on a flight to Houston. After rewinding it about 5 times I thought to myself…Wow this is the story of so many people. It’s only natural for us to desire to love and to be loved, but I’m warning you….Be careful what you ask for. “Well Troy what do you mean by that!?” Why thank you for asking now keep reading and find out.

Finding love and building a healthy relationship is so much more than “Fireworks.” Many times we tend to confuse chemistry with compatibility and sometimes that can be the beginning to the end. I get it…he or she gives you butterflies, they send your hormones into a frenzy, and they make your heart skip a beat. We have all been there, but your heart skipping a beat doesn’t give you permission to skip over all the other things that may be vital for you to sustain a relationship. You see, those butterflies you get will give you a great feeling, but they won’t necessarily provide for your household. The hormones getting in a frenzy won’t compete if she gets into a frenzy every time you leave the house or don’t answer her call`. Oh and I didn’t mention that all that chemistry y’all have have won’t help y’all get along if y’all have no chemistry in your views as it pertains to finances, children, or religion. Are y’all following me yet?

Sometimes we want fireworks so bad and we want to be wanted so badly that we ignore this thing called strategy. I call it DATING WITH A PURPOSE! You must first decide if you are dating for entertainment or are you dating to find a mate!? That question alone should change your strategy. I understand…sometimes you get lonely and you just want some company or to go out with someone. The only issue you face is that many times you start blurring the line between being entertained and investing emotionally. The more you are entertained the more emotionally vested you become and then suddenly you start skipping steps. You see, you never really asked the right questions and you ignored any red flags.  But now, you have started to like this person and suddenly you’re in or wanting a relationship.

So let’s fast forward: now you are two years in and you realize that y’all aren’t really compatible at all, but you have invested a whole 2 years together and you don’t want to feel like it was a waste. Y’all have so much fun together and you still have great chemistry though and you figure he or she will eventually change if y’all just talk about it. So y’all talk and talk and talk and talk…..and he or she seems like they are trying so it’s cool. WELP! suddenly he pops the question.  And you have waited for this moment your entire life so you say YES!! Noooooooooooo! ……that’s me screaming at you because I know that suddenly the thoughts of that wedding just made you forget about the lack of compatibility y’all had in the first place. Well I’m running out of time but you can join me next week for the rest of the story! In the meantime…

XKLUSIVE THOUGHTS FAM….Get involved in the conversation…what are your thoughts on what may happen next?



5 responses on “When “Fireworks” Aren’t Enough….Chemistry vs. Compatibility!

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  3. […] entitled “One Love.” Okay for those of you who missed part 1 of this article it was entitled “When Fireworks Aren’t Enough; Chemistry vs. Comptibility.” We were discussing how when dating many times we tend to confuse chemistry with compatibility […]

  4. emusic link says:

    Wow, wonderful blog layout! How lengthy have you ever been blogging for?

    you made blogging look easy. The full look of your web site is wonderful, as well as the content

  5. Mia says:

    I've had electric chemistry with a man for 18 months now and know we're not compatible.  It takes an intense focus on self-love to avoid him so I can be ready for a man who I'll have both Chemistry & Compatibility.  When I feel like slipping back in I look at the list of areas where we are incompatible to remind myself to never go back.  I was feeling weak last night when he called.  Troy, I'm so ready for part 2 of this article. I feel like this one was just for me.

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